Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
