she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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