We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
