He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
