Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
