Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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