You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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