so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize