Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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