does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
