Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
