Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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