You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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