Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
