Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
