**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
