the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
