Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
