and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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