I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
