You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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