Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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