Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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