I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
