if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
