Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize