Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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