Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
