party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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