Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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