FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
