I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
