I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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