Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
