don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
