did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
