she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we're so committed to being not committed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
