I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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