yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
