So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
