Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
