Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i believe in u and ur pee
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
