Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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