We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize