Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
