so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
