yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
