She's JV to your varsity
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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