I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
