I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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