saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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