direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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