i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
