Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
