i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
