Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
