Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
