dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
