we have pet lesbian snakes
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
