Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
