about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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