you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
