I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
