You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
