okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
