My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
