I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
