how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
