You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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