Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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