This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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