thus making me awesome and them whores
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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