how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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