we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
