My hand turned me down
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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