I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Boobs are out for the taking
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
