it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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