he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
