This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
