i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
