From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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