sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
