So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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