this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
