end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
