shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
