Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
