just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
