THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
