You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry about my life...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize