Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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