I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
