What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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